A walk: the Pee Man and the Cyclist

This semester has not been the best for my girlish figure.  I started strong with exercise and eating healthy meals then the filing in one of my teeth fell out.  My tooth got infected.  I got terribly sick.  Finally, I had root canal, and I got even sicker.  The first two months of the semester I spent ill.  I did not exercise, and I started drinking (the Chardonnay) to numb the pain.  When the tooth pain went away, I started eating to numb the pain of the cold the symptoms and deal with the stress. 

The semester will be officially over for me December 14^th; it is the day I perform my last radio show. 

How much weight have I gained since August (the beginning of fall semester)?  I’d hazard a guess at maybe 15-20lbs.  I can still fit my clothes, but my jeans are tight, and I don’t want to wear tight clothes. 

What have I done to be healthy today? 

The morning did not start off well.  I was still pissed at my mother because of the conversation last night and the one a few days ago.  She does not want to listen.  I sent her an email telling her I am done talking to her.  Every time I speak with her, I feel like shit afterwards.  I’m done. 

Late in the morning, I walked for an hour.  It felt nice to move my body.  Plus, I did my favorite exercise, which is walking outside.  Sadly, while I was walking on the levee, I saw a young man who began to change his clothing in public.  He put a cigarette in his mouth, sat all his shit down, walked toward a tree and began to urinate in public.  I could not believe it.  As I walked by, I tried to look the other way.  Actually, I looked the other way.  I even put my hand up to cover my face.  He turned around and walked away from the tree towards me and said, “Good morning.”

I walked faster as I said, “Good morning.”   It had to be one of the most uncomfortable moments I’ve experienced so far this year. 

About twenty minutes later as I walked around the bend, the cyclist who always calls me “leather” appeared.  He stopped his bike and asked me, “How does it feel to be a mother in-law?”  I tilted my head from one side to the other like a puppy hearing a human make the guttural “aaahhhh” sound. 

“You’re not leather” he said.  I slightly shook my head left to right or right to left.  My eyes got big; I could feel them, and I know I had a goofy smile on my face.  I could not believe the cyclist was talking to me.   With a big smile, he continued “I’ve been calling you leather all this time.  You look like a woman I know who lives on the other side of the levee named leather.  Her son just got married.”

I smiled.  He said a bunch of other stuff, but I did not pay attention because I was checking out his body.  I was also in shock because this was the first time he ever stopped to talk to me.  The cyclist has a very nice figure.  He is extremely healthy! 

I told him, “it’s okay.”  Then I said something similar to “have a nice day” or “Merry Christmas.”  I cannot remember.  I’ve been drooling over the cyclist since summer 2010.  He smiled and spoke.  I don’t know what he said—remember I was in shock.  He got on his bike and road off.     

Holiday Party

On the second day of my health kick, I went to a holiday party. And yes, I indulged in the food.  I ate some type of fried vegetarian pot sticker.  I have to give it a better effort because I started the day off processed.  I went to Taco Bell where I ate two fresco bean burritos and a soda.

I have to remind myself it is a practice not a perfection.  The good thing is that the food I eat now to numb my feelings with is healthier than it would be if I weren't vegan.  Before, I ate hamburgers, met pizza, roasted chicken, cheese in all its incarnations.  Now, I eat bean burritos, veggie dogs, fires, and potato chips when I want to stuff my self.

I also need to work on not eating when I am stuffed. 

Today, I did not do too much better.  I ate chips for breakfast, but I did wake up at 5:30, and I went right to my computer to write.  I did not exercise.  I planned to go to the gym and do zumba and yoga instead I got back into the bed.
  
Right now, I feel stuffed.  There is a heaviness.  See, it is possible to gain weight and be unhealthy while practicing a vegan diet. 
Tomorrow is a new day!    

Finnegan Begin Again

Since school is almost over for me,  I can dedicate my time to this blog.   For 365 days, I will work on incorporating more raw food into my diet and more exercise.  I will soicalize with humans and become involved with the vegan lifestyle.

I began the 365 days yesterday.  I juiced, and ate raw until dinner then I ate baked potatoes with radish topping.  Later last night, I had a mini-potato chip binge!  It is okay.  I am practicing there is no perfection. 

Finally, I got the glass canning jars that Crosspecans wanted me to use instead of the plastic.  do I feel healthier?   I don't feel it yet.

I have a sense of dread because I want to drink wine, and eat veggie dogs.  I want to stay in bed and watch tv instead of walking.

it is only the second day, so I am keeping my eye on the goal.

Aphrodite Open My Fourth Chakra

I have been advised to send a prayer to the Goddess Aphrodite to help open my throat chakra.  When I think about communication, I do not think of the Goddess of Love.  I think of Athena; she is the brain babe.  But, I will try it because I want to let the words fly out of my mouth.  I wish that writing wasn't like pulling teeth for me.  I wish writing was something that I look forward to doing.  Actually, I have mixed emotions about writing.  I love it and hate it at the same time. 

Since I am on this juice fast, I might as well give a prayer a try.  Who knows?  It might work.

Hear My Prayer Aphrodite:
Lift the masculine energy suppressing my voice.
Give the strength to speak my truth
Give me the courage to write my truth
Open my fourth chakra
Blue healing, bright, circular emanates from my throat
The pain in my throat is gone
Speech is what remains
The words flow

Sun Dried Tomatoes

My friend Dawn, one of the girls at school, gave me a bag of sun dried tomatoes.  These tomatoes are delicious.  They are lightly seasoned with herbs and salt, which makes the tomatoes taste like pizza.  I “hella” ate them.  I barely made it home with the bag.  The funny thing is that I have been craving dried tomatoes for my salads, and then “pow” the universe gives me a bag. 

Dawn is so super nice.  Since I’ve known her, she is one of the people who has supported by veganism.  Thank you Dawn.

Tomatoes are a good source of lycopene which could help reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease.  Tomatotes are also high in vitamins A, C, and K, which have antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties.  Also, I don't know this for sure, but I believe red fruits and vegetables are good for the eyes.  That may be an "old wives" tale, but I'll take it. 

Strange Day

I am off the caffeine.  I bought all of these teas that I have helped me go through the detox.  I have to admit that I was not a nice person while going through the caffeine withdrawals.   I had a brief whack-out on Sunday.  I could only calm myself down by walking.  I am still getting the caffeine out of my body.

Today, I have a headache over both my eyes.  My nose ran a little this morning.  I took some cold medicine to help because I’ve notice that people around me at school have been ill.  Taking the meds may have been a mistake because now my headache has intensified.

I need have some anxiety about going blind—trying to refocus thought on maintaining vision.  I kept seeing the shadow in my left eye, and squinting my eyes while I walked today.  I told myself to relax because this is it.  I have to live with this vision.   

I have been high raw (95%) for 27 days, and I thought that by now I’d be the picture of health.  I can see that it is going to take some time.  I watch videos and people talk about how they have not had a cold since going raw, no mucous, perfect skin, beautiful hair, and overall health improvements.   

Now let us look at the good.  I am not ill with a cold/flu etc…; I had a sniffle.  I am doing everything I can possibly do to maintain my vision and improve my health—the rest is up to God.  I must stay the course, and let the miracles happen.    

No to the Fast

I’m not ready to do a fast. My fast day did not turn out the way I planned. I woke up, and I ate. Usually in the morning, I drink tea or water before I eat. This morning I woke up and I immediately ate. So, I decided that I would do the fat the next day. It did not work out. I went half of the day. I started to feel weak, and my thinking was off—not as clear as it has been. The strange thing is I have gone longer without eating on days that I am not fasting. So, the problem is psychological. In my mind there is a part of me that does not want to fast. Just mentioning the words drives me to eat.


Why did I want to fast? I wanted to clean out my system from all the nuts I’ve consumed, which have made me a little sluggish and constipated. I also wanted some kind of spiritual experience. My line of thought was if I don’t eat maybe I’ll have some deep awakening in my subconscious and gain new understanding of who I am.

Who am I? Maybe that is the quest of life—to find the authentic self.

Attention

What is my attention on?


Lately, I have been thinking about what I don’t want. I don’ want to live in my apartment anymore.

It is not productive because focusing on what I don’t want keeps me with it. I want to shift my attention to what I do want. I do want to live in a place that is quiet and safe with a large backyard to grow a vegetable garden and plant fruit trees. I want to live in a place that is secure that I own. If I could put my attention on these thoughts on a continual bases, and let the “don’t want” thoughts float away; I could manifest this place to live.

I am learning that attention and vibration are important in attaining goals and in happiness.  I’ve been listening to different people say the same thing over and over again. My response in the past was “yeah, but, my life sucks,” or “yeah, but you are not in my situation.” What if my response is to actually give it a try? What is the worst thing to happen? I achieve my goals.


Other thing, I say I will do is write, and I let it fall by weigh side. Follow through is important.

 

Keep Writing

Keep Writing

I’ve slacked on doing my post. I have no excuses, so I am spending this morning trying to catch up. I guess, I’ve been feeling a little let down by some of the veggie people. Some is totally into being vegetarian, vegan, raw (you fill in the blank) and the first little hiccup, she/he gives up then slams all the veggie people. I think that is the all or nothing mentality, or the “black and white” mentality.


By me feeling let down, I am given into the negative mentality and not moving forward. My happiness or the actions that I take do not rely on others. I am responsible for my life; therefore, I must continue to write because maybe someone out there might find this blog and it will help them with whatever struggles he/she is experiencing. This blog is not for me. I have to remind myself that. This blog is for that person who needs to know he/she is not alone. There are others who feel the way you do, who struggle with the same issues you do, who are like you.

Nut Crush

I want to talk about gourmet raw food. I’ve been watching people making recipes such as dehydrated pizza, nut cheese, raw not tuna, flax crackers, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I want fresh fruits, vegetables, nuts and seeds to be the base of diet. If I ate the gourmet raw foods, I’d probably gain weight just as if I was not raw.

I was reading this raw recipe book (I will not name it), and most of the food is dehydrated. It seemed dry. I want juicy foods in my diet.

I was also thinking about all the “super-foods” such as maca powder, gooji berries, spiralina, etc..Most if not all of those foods have to be imported, or brought from a long distance. How good is that for the world if one is thinking about his/her carbon foot print? That is a lot of fossil fuel being used so I can eat a super food.

Why am I on this line of thought? I was looking for something to boost my energy. I’ve been feeling sluggish, so I thought “hey, what about that maca powder stuff?” I started imagining how I could replace it for my caffeinated tea in the morning. Then I thought, I might get addicted to the kick it might give me then I’ll have to make sure I have my supply of maca. Do you see how that line of thought is dysfunctional and not of service to myself, or of service to others? It thought about acquiring for pleasure not happiness. I just want to be healthy and free of addiction. I want to be at peace, and right now I think the fresh fruits & vegetables is the way to achieve some peace.

Notice I did not add nuts& seeds in the last sentence. I believe that the nuts that I have been gorging on are making me tired because my body is working to process them. Nuts are a heavy, high fat food and I am feeling the results of over indulging.

Thursday, September 9th, I am going cold turkey, and freeing myself of the caffeine. I am also going to do a mini fast to lighten my load. I want to do three days, but for sure I will fast on juice for one day. I need to let my body do some elimination.

I’m ready to let go of my nut crush.

Morocan Spinach

I feel fantastic today. I made more of the Moroccan spinach, and stuffed it in lettuce leaves. It was a fantastic meal. The spinach tastes like taco meat, or like falafel. I stuffed myself. It is good to have the satisfied feeling after a raw vegan meal. The mix of spices and herbs with the lemon gave my meal a savory taste, the sweetness of the fruit (tomato &cucumber) took care of my sweet tooth, and the ¼ of avocado gave me the fat I need. All the way around, the Moroccan spinach was a fantastic meal.


Wow, I just read that spinach contains lutein which is one of the phytonutrients I need to help with my glaucoma. To increase the bioavailability of this phytonutrient in spinach, one should eat it with olive oil. I did this before I even knew that olive oil would boost the spinach POWER. I did not use much oil because the last few days I’ve been heavy on the fats (nuts, coconut meat, avocado, olives). I realize that I have to slow down on the fat consumption because it is making me feel heavy and bloated. My body is naturally gravitating to foods that can help my eyes.

My body has been tired the last few days. I think that is why I was craving spinach because of the iron content in the leaves. I got some decaffeinated tea to help me kick the habit. I cannot believe that I am hooked on caffeine, but it happened from drinking tea in the morning with my brother.

Mama Drinks Green Juice

Andrea likes juice

I love that my mother tries all the raw food and juices that I make.  God Bless Her.

Is food apart of a spiritual path?

Papaya is not my favorite fruit

I do know that I am feeling my emotions more with the raw food, but this present-ness began when freed myself from eating the animal products. I am noticing my thoughts more, for example when I am drudge up past thoughts that start me on a negative cycle. I remind myself that I am here “now.” The noticing of thoughts happens for me when I am on one of my morning walks. That is the time that I feel most connect to the spirit.

On a lighter note, from watching all the YouTube videos I notice when a person goes raw he/she tends to go hippie. When some people go raw, they start meditating, and doing spirit work (mandalas and mantras). Some people change their hair and their style of dress. Some people leave their jobs. The main thing that I notice when a person goes raw, he/she becomes more loving to his/herself and to other beings. I think that is happening to me.

While I was swimming today, for a moment I felt like I could see better. Is it the 14 days being raw, or is it my belief that living food will allow my body to heal, and help me maintain my vision? I don’t know, but I do know that I saw the world a little clearer.

I was not brave enough to go without caffeine today. I did begin the day with the tea. At this point in the journey, I will allow the caffeine from the tea. I am focused on eating as much non-cooked food as I can. If I start to separate my focus to get rid of the caffeinated tea, I will distract my concentration and probably start eating cooked. I need to get solid raw first.

I ate the papaya today. I’ve had papaya three times before and each time I eat it, I do not like it. So, for the fourth time, I let it ripen, and I still don’t like papaya. It is not sweet enough for me. There is a feel in y mouth as if I am eating fat, but it is not fat. I like my fruit sweet. I have a sweet tooth, which I do not have when I eat cooked food. I am craving sweet, sweet fruit.

Bring More Food

I did not eat enough food yesterday because today I woke up feeling really sluggish. I know that last night in class, I was really hungry, so I ate a bag of nuts & dried berries, and a kiwi. I did bring food for the day (16 oz green juice, 1 banana, 2 kiwis, 1 salad with fixings, ½ cucumber, ½ tomato, 1 cup of cantaloupe, 1 bag of nuts & dried berries) , but it was not enough. I think I need 3 bananas instead of one, and a larger salad for lunch. Starting next week, my days will be longer because I will be tutoring in the first part of the day. I have to bring more food, or I will poop out.

Today, I walked for two hours this morning. I came home ate a large mango, and drank some green juice. I could barely concentrate. I tried to refrain from drinking tea to pep me up. I got hooked on the caffeine in tea this summer, and now I have got to break the habit. By 1 pm, I had to have some tea, so I made ice tea with fresh lime. It was good, but I still had a headache. At 2pm, I took a nap. I felt so tired. It could be a combination of one or all of these: my body detoxing, the heat (over 100 degree temp today), caffeine withdrawal, and not enough calories. After I woke up, I ate another mango, which made me feel amazingly better.

Before I was really into raw foods, I ate mangos, but I was not crazy about them. I found them a bit tart. I realize that I did not let them ripen. Now, I find that I like mangos really ripe. I need to be able to smell the mango when I enter the kitchen before I can eat it. I like my fruit supper ripe to enjoy it and fill full after eating it.