I’m not ready to do a fast. My fast day did not turn out the way I planned. I woke up, and I ate. Usually in the morning, I drink tea or water before I eat. This morning I woke up and I immediately ate. So, I decided that I would do the fat the next day. It did not work out. I went half of the day. I started to feel weak, and my thinking was off—not as clear as it has been. The strange thing is I have gone longer without eating on days that I am not fasting. So, the problem is psychological. In my mind there is a part of me that does not want to fast. Just mentioning the words drives me to eat.
Why did I want to fast? I wanted to clean out my system from all the nuts I’ve consumed, which have made me a little sluggish and constipated. I also wanted some kind of spiritual experience. My line of thought was if I don’t eat maybe I’ll have some deep awakening in my subconscious and gain new understanding of who I am.
Who am I? Maybe that is the quest of life—to find the authentic self.
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