Today's Juice and yesterday's salad

The pre-school salad

Before I left the house yesterday, I ate a really big salad and I took myself snack bag. There was a banana, an orange, a peach, a bowl of whole strawberries, and a small bag of nuts & dried berries. I know that I am consuming a lot of nuts; they are helping my transition to raw. For now, I am allowing myself the space to do what I need to do.

All the juice I made fit into 3 containers

Today, I am making juicing for myself and for my mother. My mother has arthritis, and she is a ball of stress energy. I am making two juices for her 1) carrot and 2) green juice with the main ingredients of collards and fennel. I hope I can get some video of her drinking, but I always forget to turn the camera on when she tries my juices and raw food. I am thankful that I have a mother who supports my eccentricities. She tries it all. I love you ma.

I always wanted to be on the radio

I am excited about my radio show. I did get some video of my first moments on the air waves. I think this is an opportunity to spread the message of health and love. My radio name is DJ Vegan. My show is alternative music focusing on the 80’s and 90’s (yeah, I’m old school).

Glaucoma Message

Green Juice is great for the eyes

I watched a video today that interview Dr. Bernie Siegel. He believes that our minds can help us heal. He calls it self-induced healing. Here are a few pearls of wisdom I got out of the 30 minute interview:



• You don’t have to like everyone, but you can love them.

• We have to see ourselves as the child, and love that child within.

• Listen to others and realize that we are all wounded.

• The curse becomes a blessing.

• Kill with kindness and ferment with tenderness.

I’ve been feeling scared really, really scared about going blind. I’ve been wondering why this happening to me? My family, my friends don’t seem to grasp the fact that I actually have vision loss. People think glaucoma is a joke; it is not; it is the leading cause of blindness.

I am also worried because I’ve run out of my medication, my prescription has expired, and I do not have health insurance. Out of the fear, I’ve been scrambling for a job, any job, so I can get the health benefits. Then I realized, I’ve been causing myself a lot of stress over something that has not occurred yet, over something that may not occur. The main thing I have to do is get out of grad school. The job will follow.

As for my health, I have a referral through Prevent Blindness America, so I can see a doctor and get my prescription refilled.

What can I do in the mean time? I can exercise, lower my stress levels, maintain the vegan diet, and strive for the raw whole fruits and vegetables diet. I can read about holistic ways to heal the eyes. I can practice some of the holistic techniques. I can watch my thoughts, and attach my consciousness to the positive thoughts. I can believe that I will maintain my vision.

How do I see the vision loss as a blessing? I need to change my thought about it. It is not vision loss, but maintenance of vision.

Please get your eyes checked on a regular basis even if you do not have a vision problem. Glaucoma can affect anyone, but it is most common in the elderly and in African Americans. If you need help getting a glaucoma screening please go to Prevent Blindness America website. There you can apply for a free referral to an ophthalmologist.

Perceptions About Raw Food

Nicole after a 2 hour walk

The photos I have included are my cashew pate I made last night, and what has happened just today.

I watched a YouTube video of this woman who declared that she will be 100% raw for the next 30 days. That is way too much pressure for me. It is the all of nothing mentality. For me, it is hard to be 100% raw. It is hard for me to be 100% of anything except 100% human. It took Dr. Doug Graham 10 years to become raw. All I can do is be the best me I can be for each new day. I am taking it one day at a time, and doing my best to not give up five minutes before the miracle.

Cashew Pate

Two years ago, I thought the raw food people where crazy. It seemed insane to me to eat uncooked fruits and vegetables even though eating cooked vegan foods seemed like a normal choice, or rather something sane to try.

breakfast

Nicole eats pineapple

After about a year of the vegan food, I started to think about what exactly is this faux-meat that I am eating. I started noticing that the foods that I was eating came out of a package. I began to think, “How good could eating this package food be for me?” I wanted to eat fresher. I started checking out the “CRAZY” raw foodist. The arguments that I listened to started to make sense, but still I couldn’t see myself subsisting on just raw foods. What about my bread, crackers, tortillas, tofu, veggie dogs & veggie patties, and granola? I love that stuff. I need that stuff.

Now, I am becoming raw because I believe that this diet will allow my body to heal, and allow me to receive the gift of health. It is just strange how our perceptions can change.

Totally Gorged on Cashews

I totally gorged on cashews today. I got nervous while I was doing my homework . I could not find the discussion board because I must have temporary lost my mind. I sent a panic email to my instructor. After I sent the email, I found the link. So, I had to send a email asking him to disregard my crazy “I can’t find the discussion board” email.

When I found the discussion board, I noticed that the stuff I wrote and uploaded to Blackboard on Tuesday did not show up today. Then I tried to open the PDF document that I saved my writing on, and it opened blank. That is when I started tripping. I blamed it on my computer, but I did remain relatively calm. I did not cuss or threaten my computer with mutilation. I rebooted.

While my computer was booting up, I ate one large handful of nuts & dried berry medley. I drank green juice straight from the bottle—no glass for this girl. I was full.

My computer came back up. I logged on to Blackboard. I opened the PDF; it came up with all the stuff I wrote. I opened the discussion board, and I still did not find my post. So, I had to resubmit my work.

While I copied and pasted and uploaded, I ate another big handful of nuts & berry medley. This handful took me over the edge. I feel full in an uncomfortable way. My tummy feels heavy and my tongue feels over stimulated from the sugar in the dried berries.

What did I learn?

I learned that I used raw food the same way I used non-vegan cooked food. I wanted to rid myself of my anxiety, and the only way I could think of to do it in a quick way was to eat a large amount of fat and sugar.

I need to work on using alternative strategies for dealing with extreme emotions. Breathing would have been better than putting something in my mouth. I cannot put “things” in my mouth when I am stressed. I say “things” because in the past I have put food, alcohol, cigarettes, and pills in my mouth to numb emotion.

I have to allow myself to feel.

Wonderful Day

I opened a young Thai coconut, and I did not freak out. I conquered my fear of cutting myself. Today, I really know that I can do a raw lifestyle. The coconut gave me confidence.
I made a kind of pad-thai dish. I sliced the coconut meat very thin, and I added it to mung bean sprouts, red bell pepper, mushrooms, green onion, basil, cilantro and a sauce (coconut water, lime, srirachi, sesame seed oil, tamari, 1 large clove of garlic. It was simple and good. I served it on a bed of chopped romaine lettuce.

I spent more money than I intended to, but I bought myself a new juicer. I really wanted a juicer that would take whole foods, so I would not have to continue chopping all my foods for the juicer.  The chopping was discouraging, and I was not juicing as often as  I should.  I should be juicing everyday, but I've been juicing one a week if I had the energy.

The prep time for juicing was at least 45 minutes with my old juicer; I had to chop everything, so it would fit down the juicer’s chute. With the new juicer, all I had to do was wash everything and cut an apple in half (I had a gianormous apple). Plus, the new juicer gave me more juice for the fruit & vegetables I put inside of it. I am happy.

Prepare to be Questioned

Last night I put together a salad pack for myself to take to school today. So, I could eat a good salad that would not cost me $6.00 or more.

It was amazing because the pre-made salad area was filled with only meat type salads. There was all types of chicken salads (western chicken, chicken Cesar), but not one plain vegetable salad. The Lady behind the counter had to go scrounge one up. I think they made it on the fly because I was waiting a long time for just a basic vegetable salad.

This incident made me think about how ingrained meat eating is in our society. The thought of having something without meat is completely alien to some people. In one of the workshops, I was with the new tutors and we began talking about vegetarianism, or rather they began questioning me on my diet (they noticed that early I are only fruit for breakfast). I did my best to be upbeat without trying to push my lifestyle on others. Of course, I was asked the same old question “Where do you get your protein?”

My response, “There is protein in everything we eat—it’s the enzymes that we need.” In reflection, my response was a joke and made no sense to this kid unless they have read the books I have blah, blah, blah.

Then a few of the girls to my right sneakered a little at the thought of a vegetarian diet, “That takes a lot of will power.”

My response, “It has nothing to do with willpower it has to do with health. I eat this way to heal my body and preserve the vision that I have in my eyes.”

Then one of the girls ask “isn’t it expensive to eat raw?”

My response, “How expensive is it to buy fruits and vegetables? That’s the cheapest grocery you will buy, but there are the specialty prepackaged raw foods, which are expensive”

One of the new tutors asked if I ate egg. This was the question that led to the discussion of male baby chicks, and how they are ground up alive.

Another tutor told me he loves to eat cows. I asked if he could kill a cow. No reply. Then told me he knows how they are killed. I thought knowing and doing are two different things.

Today, I became aware of how I need to be prepared for the questioning. I need to prepare answers to common questions, and to explain in the simplest terms possible what is a diet free of animals products and the concept of raw foods.

Savory Salad

I made a really good savory salad similar to the one I made last night except this one had the addition of kale. Instead of ripping the kale into tiny bite size pieces; I chopped it in the food process. Its appearance was similar to parsley. The kale added that extra flavor to my salad.

Since I started the Raw Food Journey, I’ve been craving savory dishes. I’m glad I gave myself the freedom to have nuts, avocado, and olives at will. Now that I can have them I am not obsessed with the cook food. My desire for beans has gone away. I really think the bean craving was really a craving for onions and garlic.

The flavor combination of the dill, onion and garlic gave my taste buds relief. Or, maybe it gave my psychological taste buds relief.

I notice that when my belly was full of food the other day from the mushroom & zucchini salad with the sunflower seed dressing; I did not feel satisfied. I was full, but not happy about the taste or the sensation of the meal. Last night and tonight, I am full and satisfied.

This morning, I slept in till 8 am (that is as late as my cats will let me sleep in peace). I felt tired; I was dragging myself around. I did not do my two hour walk; I took a leisurely swim (plus I did water aerobics in the pool). For a few hours after the exercise, I felt energized. I decided my sluggishness was due to

1. Detoxing the toxins out of my body

2. Not eating enough fruit.

3. Eating nuts late at night—still digesting.

4. Staying up late to watch the DVR—need more sleep

5. The hot weather.

Tomorrow, I will do my best to consume copious amounts of fruit tomorrow to boost my energy.

What I learned

Since I am beginning the raw diet, I have to let myself have the fat. I need the avocado, the nuts, and the olives to make it through the day. Each day, I need to have one or two of those items to not fantasize about eating cooked food.


After school tonight, I imagined myself pulling into Taco Bell and getting a bean burrito with no cheese. I’m lucky that my drive home is 45 minutes. It gave me an opportunity to think about my dinner and focus. I told myself that I cannot have cooked food. I need to make through this day.

I started thinking about a salad. I thought about the salad I had last night, and it was not so delicious. Then I heard it—a little voice. It told me to make one of my salads with all my favorites. I just needed to make it home without detouring.

When I got home, I pulled out the romaine, cucumber, some radish, 3 green onions, olives, lime, 1 clove of garlic, 1 tomato, some fresh dill, some clover sprouts, capers, avocado and cashews. I did sprinkle a little salt and fresh cracked black pepper over the chopped tomato and cucumber. I also sprinkled some raisins, a little cayenne pepper, and a little paprika over the entire salad.

It was satisfying. I ate three bowls of the salad.

Now, I’m sitting in front of my laptop typing with a tooth pick in my mouth. My belly is full. Until being raw is old hat, I need the fats. I need to work to 80/10/10.

Day 2's Melt Down

I am 95% raw today. I just had a melt down and ate some potato chips then I threw the bag away. I cannot have chips around me. They are highly processed; they are fried, and they are salted.


The reason for eating the chips, according to Dr. Doug Graham is that I have not eaten enough fruit today. What did I eat? I ate two bananas, one super large mango, one Clementine, and 1 fat mushy date. Clearly that is not enough food.

This morning I thought about making a smoothie, but I had to get to Best Buy to have my systems disk made for a cheap computer I bought Friday.

ALERT—ALERT--Now, I go on a tangent—I bought the inexpensive computer, so my “good” laptop will not get damaged, or lose data by carrying it around, and working outside of my house. My “good” computer had to be repaired in the spring, and I was without a computer for two weeks. I felt helpless. So, to keep that from happening again, I got the cheapie. The thought for buying it, "if the 'cheap' laptop breaks then I won’t be out of luck"—tangent over.

Instead of being focused on my health. I was focused on getting to the store early, so I could have my laptop back early.

Nicole wearing the new jeans

I decided to buy some jeans and body lotion and body spray. That took me 3 hours. Seriously, shopping for clothing took a long time because I lost a lot of weight, and I was not sure of my size. I knew that I could fit into my old size eight, but not comfortably, so I figured I was about a ten. I fit the size ten, but some things were tight—not comfortable while things fit perfectly (note: Some clothes could have fit awkwardly because of my cycle). I decided that whether I was on my cycle or not I want to be comfortable at all times. Instead of going for beauty, I went for comfort in my clothing choices. So, I got all of my pants in a 12.

Going through this process of buying clothing did not leave me time to think of my food.

Plan for tomorrow is to eat lots of fruit. Start with a smoothie for breakfast and have as much fruit as I like.

The First Raw Day

It’s August 21, 2010 the kick off date for my Raw Food Journey.


Last night, I decided to have a couple of glasses of wine, and it done me in. I have been 50% raw for a while, and last night proves that wine and raw foods do not mix. I started my journey with a headache. I wanted to eat some oatmeal, or some toast this morning, but I refrained. Instead, I ate a banana and had some tea with almond milk. The almond milk is store bought.

I was away from my desk yesterday and did not have the Declaration for My Life in front of me to remind me how I want my life to go. I need to reaffirm the words I wrote detailing how I want my life to go each day.

I started the day with a couple of bananas, some dates, and some watermelon juice. I fell pretty energized. I have to run some errands, so my first post will be short.

Watermelon Juice:

Place two cups of chopped watermelon in a blender with some ice and a little water then blend. It makes a nice refreshing drink. Blending is different from juicing because all I am consuming the whole watermelon—its flesh and juice.

Goodbye to Rice

My Raw Food Journey Starts August 21, 2010


I am addicted to rice. Today, I ate rice. I rationalized eating it because there is not any fresh food in the house. I have not gone shopping to get my produce. I have to wait until tomorrow.

Now, I feel lethargic and tired. I feel full, and I need to take a nap. There is a constriction in my throat and heaviness in my chest and belly. The rice filled me all the way to my throat. I am yawning. My eyes are water. I cannot concentrate. I just want to lie down and take a nap.

Several times while writing this observation my mind spaced out. I caught myself with my fingers on the keyboard not moving, and my eyes just staring at the white screen with little black squiggles on it.

I know the lethargy is coming from my body having to process the rice. Before I ate rice, production was happening. My little office was busy, and my mind was buzzing. I did an excel tutorial. I wrote down ideas for videos, and ideas for blog post. I paid some bills. I went through the mail. I need sugars from fruit, and I do not need sugar from the starchy cooked foods.

Yesterday, I ate twice as much food, but it was fresh greens, fruits and vegetables. I even drank less water, and I was hyped all day. By the time bedtime came, I had the lights on, and I finished reading Dr. Doug Graham’s book, The 80/10/10 Diet (I'll write more about this book in later posts).

What I am learning is that I cannot eat cooked food in the middle of day or for that matter at all. It is dragging my system down. Cook food is causing me to expend a lot of my body’s energy just to digest it. This is energy I could use in different ways. I could have used this energy to send out more vibrations for my life intention. Instead, I am trying to keep my eyes open.
My Raw Food Journey Starts August 21, 2010

Preparation for Raw Vegan Lifestyle—Cleaning the Kitchen

My Raw Food Journey Starts August 21, 2010


Today, I felt the need to clean my kitchen. I want to start fresh when Saturday August 21 comes. I thought it was going to be a five minute job. It took me an hour from beginning to end to clean the kitchen.

First, I started cleaning the refrigerator. I took all the food and condiments, except for those things in my brother’s meat draw, out of the refrigerator and set them on the counter and table, so that I could sort through them. I needed to decide which condiments I will keep. I kept all of my mustards even though they are not officially raw. I kept my soy sauce, flaxseed oil (I don’t know why I kept that because I used Flaxseed oil twice in a year), Srirachi, and the toasted sesame seed oil. I know the sesame seed oil is not raw; I will give it away because it’s a brand new bottle.

I took all the shelves and all the draws out of the refrigerator, even my brother’s meat draw. After emptying the refrigerator, I could see all the crumbs and little food particles stuck all over the interior of the refrigerator. I was grossed out. I thought all this crap has been in here with the food I’ve been putting in my body. I squirted the interior of the refrigerator with bleach and started scrubbing with soap and water until it was clean. Then, I scrubbed the shelves and my draw. I only cleaned the outside of my brother’s meat draw.

When the refrigerator and all its parts were clean, I put the parts back inside of it. The shelves went first. I made sure that the top shelf had enough space to fit a water jug. Then I put what produce I had, and the condiments I decided to keep.

Next, I throw out all the old condiments in the dumpster outside. Then I swept and hand mopped the floor. That is right. I got down on my hands and knees with a rag and cleaned every inch of the kitchen floor.

Now, I feel of sense of relief and satisfaction after cleaning the kitchen. I keep hearing in my mind, “Get ready, prepare yourself for change.”

My Raw Food Journey Starts August 21, 2010

Declaration For My Life

This is the first post of my new blog, and with this post I am setting my intention.  August 21, 2010, I will begin a new phase in my life.  I want the gift of vitality--the gift of health.  I am committing myself to a Raw Food Lifestyle.  I am not saying diet because I truly believe the raw food is a lifestyle.  I even give it an article because to me the raw food exists, and it lives to bring human-beings to consciousness.  

My declaration taped on the wall

I went to Vital Life Foundation, and found this declaration for my life, which I will fill out for my first post. These are the questions that I meditated on before making my declaration: 
1) How do I want to think?  2) How do I want to feel?  3) How do I want to believe?  4) How do I want to conduct myself?  5) What do I want to put into my body?  6) What is my purpose?

After I completed my declaration I taped it to the wall in the place where I will see it often.  

DECLARATION FOR MY LIFE

This is a powerful tool for setting my intention and reminding me where I want my life to go.

I am

I am responsible for my life. I am here to live a happy and fulfilling life. I am connected to all living beings.

My guiding principle is compassion. I believe in ultimate good and kindness.

I am an educator. I am a teacher. I am a writer. I am here to live and be in the now. I think clearly with a loving heart.

My purpose is to love, nurture and help other beings using my gifts as an educator, a teacher, and a writer.

I trust the flow knowing that I am guided to the most compassionate and loving people, places, and actions.

I love and nurture myself, so I can love and nurture others.

I know nothing. I trust me. I have free will.

I am open to receiving the information the universe has for me. I am open to the highest potential the universe has for me.

I allow thoughts to float on the wind free of attachments.

I put only wholesome foods and beverages into my body.

I breathe deeply to live.